Sequence Proposal 'Revised'

I recieved feedback for my Proposal, and so I wanted to try and fix the parts that didnt work so well.
My story is a basic scene out of a larger story.


"This is a great scene with loads of action. The writing is largely very good. You chose some excellent
phrases such as describing a building as gormless.

The gunfire that isn’t Coban’s is established rather late so when I read it I was unclear for a while
whose bullets were who’s as it starts with just our one man. It might be worth including a short
establishing sentence indicating sound and gunfire in Coban’s vicinity.

When you start the dialogue the proposal falls apart. The dialogue isn’t great and adds nothing to
the sequence. In a short form proposal such as this I would avoid it. You might like to write the scene
up in full including dialogue and think of it in terms of a ‘sample scene’ to demonstrate you can
handle dialogue. This is often requested with a proposal such as this. The text proposal should stand
alone without dialogue perfectly well.

Watch your grammar. I think you meant ‘spies’ not spy’s.

Lastly you might think about a common stumbling block in writing called ‘two types of magic’. An
audience can take one out of this world thing but give them two and enter the absurd.

As this proposal / sequence is clearly a part of a larger whole it might be an idea to introduce it in a
few sentences (in addition to the word count). Are there zombies AND mutants? Or are the zombies
mutants at a later stage?

Other than that it’s a really good piece of work. Well done. You write well."

Synopsis: After a mysterious Meteoroid hits England the whole world is on high alert. Dangerous Gases emit from the Meteoroid eventually killing everyone, only those quick enough to escape underground are left alive. Those infected by the gas soon turn in to Merciless monsters forgetting everything of their past only now craving death and destruction. Coban, once an ordinary man, wakes up to find he has developed un-imaginable powers, why and how he doesn't know. Slowly they cause him to descend in to madness, but he must use them to survive in this deadly world.

Coban wields his katana and slices off the head of a roaming mutated zombie. He strolls to another and slices its belly; innards spill on to the dusty road. He pulls out a Berretta and unloads it on the surrounding necrotic wonderers with great precision. In the distance a group of survivors mistakenly shoot him only skimming his arm and forcing him to roll aside behind a dilapidated car. He holsters his gun and grimaces with pain. Carefully, Coban peers in the direction of the shot. A bright light shines in the distance upon the roof of a gormless, abandoned building.

Coban ponders then whistles loudly, the surrounding zombies shuffle towards him in groups. Coban then runs from the cover of the car in to the maze of the un-dead, staying low as he goes. He dodges and darts, staying clear of any open areas whilst zombies explode and fall beside him from the strangers shots. Blood splatters his poncho, but he takes no notice.

He reaches the building and stays flat to the walls. Shuffling along, he reaches a backdoor; gunfire from above continues to reign down on the mutated beings. Coban kicks the door handle, breaking it off before swinging the wooden door open. He enters and listens to the constant booming of the weapons above. From the corner of his eye, Coban notices a zombie slyly approaching from behind and responds by shaving off its head in one skillfully soundless movement. Slowly he ascends the metal stairs treading carefully.

 He silently opens a door and spies a male with two females, facing away from him shooting at the zombies below. Coban creeps on to the roof wielding the Katana.  The man wheels around holding up his smoking weapon. Wide eyed he is struck down by the Katana that now protrudes from his head.

The two women, one of whom who looks too thin and twitchy to be holding a large weapon both look at him in shock.

Coban takes a glowing hand from beneath his poncho. Noticing its glow thin and twitchy recoils and drops her gun. Coban releases a sudden bolt of electricity from his hand forcing her frail body over the top of the building like a rag doll. The other women whose face has open sores screeches towards Coban who releases a second jolt of electricity from his fingers, causing her to shake violently before vaporizing into a scarlet mist. Coban casually picks up his Katana and exits the building.

Un-canny Project Revealed

Our tutor managed to edit the project together and showed us the sequence, which was about a minute and half long. 

I thought it was really good and was impressed with what we created and filmed. I could be critical on some of the parts, such as some of the props on set looked roughly put together, (the pillow on the bed looked stretched and the flooring around it was cut at an angle to reveal the flat behind.) But we didn’t have a lot of time to fiddle with these bits and we also didn’t know how or where the cinematographers were going to shoot from.

This is a learning curve for us all I think, in the fact that as an Art Director it is essential to sit down and talk to all members of the crew to have an understanding of where things should be shot and what they should look like.

We were then tasked to break down the sequence and start again using Adobe Premier and Adobe After Effects to edit the piece and convert the green screen footage on to the actual footage.

I’ve only used Adobe Premier a few times but it was good to use it again and gain some more knowledge. 

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Sequence Proposal

Revenge On The Living

Coban wields his katana and slices off the head of a roaming zombie. He strolls to another and slices its belly; innards spill on to the dusty road. He pulls out a Berretta and unloads it on the surrounding necrotic wonderers with great precision. A bullet clips his shoulder forcing him to role aside behind a dilapidated car. He holsters his gun and grimaces with pain.  Carefully, Coban peers in the direction of the shot. A bright light shines in the distance upon the roof of a gormless, abandoned building.

Coban ponders then whistles loudly, the surrounding zombies shuffle towards him in groups. Coban then runs from the cover of the car in to the maze of the un-dead, staying low as he goes.  He dodges and darts, staying clear of any open areas whilst zombies explode and fall beside him. Blood splatters his poncho, but he takes no notice.

He reaches the building and stays flat to the walls. Shuffling along, he reaches a backdoor; gunfire from above continues to reign down on the zombies. Coban kicks the door handle, breaking it off before swinging the wooden door open. He enters and listens to the constant booming of the weapons above. From the corner of his eye, Coban notices a zombie slyly approaching from behind and responds by shaving off its head in one skillfully soundless movement. Slowly he ascends the metal stairs treading carefully.

He silently opens a door and spies a male with two females, facing away from him shooting at the zombies below.                                                                                                                                                      The man turns to Coban, aiming his gun, “Who?...Put your weapons down!”

Coban steps in through the door and places the Berretta and Katana down onto the concrete roof. One of the women approaches Coban “You’re not bit? We haven’t seen many of you’s for a long time around here. Lower your guns”. The orders are obeyed and the guns are lowered.

“We shoot you? Shit, awfully sorry, we just get in to a flurry sometimes, I am Anya, this is Amos and that’s Clove” says the first woman. Despite leading the dialogue, Coban sees the woman as too thin and twitchy to be in charge.

“Coban” he says in a reserved manner.

Anya extends her hand. Coban takes a glowing hand from beneath his poncho. Noticing it’s glow, Anya recoils and scrambles for her gun, “Mutant!” she screams. Coban releases a sudden bolt of electricity from his hand forcing Anya’s frail body over the top of the building like a rag doll. Amos wheels his weapon up but is struck down by the katana that now protrudes from his head. Clove screeches towards Coban who releases a second jolt of electricity from his fingers, causing her to shake violently before vaporizing into a scarlet mist. Coban casually picks up his weapons. “Humans” he snarls, then exits through the door he just came through. 

Un-canny Filming

12/03/2013


In todays lesson we were teamed up with the Cinematography group who were in to film our piece. Our group would each Direct, Assistant Direct and Art Direct each scene of our piece. The whole process went quite well and I learnt a lot from this experience. I directed the first part of the sequence and it was good experience once I got in to it.

Our set on camera looked very good and I was quite happy with what we created. Some elements of the shoot I would have liked to have changed such as, the position of the character or some small elements on the set but I had to leave that down to the Director in charge at the time.

Even though I am not on the Cinematography course I did learn a thing or too about camera techniques,  focusing levels, light levels and measuring distances. It was also good to know what the Assistant Director had to say on set to make sure the crew listens.

Overall, I enjoyed the filming lesson and came away with new techniques. I think it has been a good experience and in doing this I have begun to think about learning more in the Art directing field.

Director of interest.

Neil Marshall is an English Director, Screenwriter and Editor. Marshall has directed an array of films such as Dog Soldiers (2002), The Descent (2005) and Doomsday (2008).

Marshall is one of my favorite Directors and I have quoted a lot of his work in my theories throughout university. Marshall tends to direct (screen write, edit) horror, fantasy, and thriller genres. 

Dog Soldiers (2002) follows a group of 6 soldiers training in an open forest in Scotland. One night they come across a seemingly abandoned and destroyed camp containing live real weapons. A man soon appears all bloody and injured claiming that his camp was attacked by something. Hearing noises the group gather the man and set out to be evacuated: their training has now stopped.

Running through the woods a teammate is killed and their sergeant is injured, rescuing him they then stumble across a women who takes them to an old cottage. There the men defend it against what they believe to be werewolves.  One by one the men get hunted down and the injured man transforms in to one of the beasts. 
Numbers dwindling and the house coming under attack they learn that the beasts actually once lived in the house the women (who saved the group) is actually a werewolf who can subdue her werewolf form and brought the men here to be slaughtered, the sergeant kills her and rigs the house to explode before he can turn in to one of the wolves. Only one man and a dog survive.

This film was made on a low budget and the werewolves were created with puppets rather than CGI. I think the reason why I like this film is because of the low budget factor. Marshall doesn’t go over the top creating silly things that in the end look rubbish. He uses his initiative and what money he had to try and create something creepy, and it works. The werewolves actually scared me because they are so tall and resilient. They get knocked down but get up again. They also reflect the army men by working in a team to whittle down the army men numbers.

The story is High Concept and easy to follow, it contains lots of weapons, shouting, swearing, and male dominance (only one women is seen throughout the whole film).  

The location is brilliant (a secluded cottage, where the neighbours are hundreds of miles away).  Its British so the characters are relatable and likeable in different ways, we understand their humor and it isn’t too cheesy.

The Descent is fairly similar in that it uses a cave system which is also secluded but claustrophobic. Instead of Werewolves he invents humanoids (men trapped in caves for years who have then turned to cannibals, who are blind and hunt by sound and smell, who can crawl along walls and scream to each other) are present as the antagonists. Marshall had the cast of this film all female opposite to Dog Soldiers.

Marshall uses a lot of elements that I like. His stories are straightforward but yet I am immersed in them. I like the survival factor in his films themes and he uses a small cast so we only delve on them rather than introducing lots of other characters so we lose track. Because of the small cast we get to create a bond and build emotions for them, then when one of them dies we are devastated.

I also like Marshalls Fantasy element, such as creating Zombies, Werewolves and crawling creatures. Like I have stated he doesn’t use CGI but instead creates puppets and latex costumes which make them all more believable and freaky. He even stated in an interview that ‘most of the cast don’t get to see the monsters until they begin to shoot so he gets to capture all the actresses real emotions’ (he basically scared the hell out of them because they look so real and strange). 

Un-canny Element

(Gin Gwai 2002)

I find this scene very scary even though not very much happens. I think it's all to do with the feeling of suspense. The music adds an element with its low beat gradually getting faster and faster with no other sounds interrupting. When the man un-cannyily floats towards her the audience know that something isn't right with this person and we fear for the character as she is in a confined space.

I can relate this to my un-canny proposal. In my sequence the character is trapped within a confined space with a humanoid that isn't right by the way it moves.

Joseph Cornell

Joseph Cornell was born in 1903. He was originally from New York, America, and died peacefully in his home town. Cornell was an artist, sculptor and experimental filmmaker influenced by Surrealists.

Cornells work often included found materials which he assembled in to small simple boxes. Most of these materials were victorian bric-a-brac, he was fascinated by once beautiful and precious objects he found in bookshops and thrift shops in New York. He was renowned for being a big collector.

"By collecting and carefully juxtaposing found objects in small, glass-front boxes, Cornell created visual poems in which surface, form, texture, and light play together. Using things we can see, Cornell made boxes about things we cannot see: ideas, memories, fantasies, and dreams."-The Joseph Cornell Box.

I think Josephs work is very creative and imaginative. The use of various materials that he has randomly searched and found is extraordinary. Some artists go to extreme lengths to create their work such as props, make up, need for lighting, camera angles and even location. Instead Joseph has created something simple but affective. His work reminds me of the work by Damien Hirst.

This is another artist who's work I relish in. Damien explores issues of life and death in provocative ways using dead animals bodies and entombing in glass cases for audiences to see and get an up close look. Another reason why I like this artist is because Damien doesn't work using canvas, he makes his art work with things we can touch and see (the scale of). I think this is the same case with Joseph's work.